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Christmas is Pagan!

It's Christmas! You know, that time of year where all the anti-Jesus folk awaken from their thanksgiving coma and start reposting memes about how Christmas isn’t actually about Jesus and that it’s actually a pagan holiday as if that somehow makes Christmas less Christmassy for us Christians as if we didn't just finish dressing up like the avengers on Halloween aka the most pagan holiday of the entire year.

But anyway, as a Christmas gift, here comes Santa Clash coming down Santa Clash lane with some Christmas facts for you little pagan party poopers.

So pour out some coquito (or eggnog for my fellow Caucasians), whip out the Christmas cookies, and get ready to have your pagan stockings stuffed full of some Yuletime facts. Don’t worry you little Loki lovers, this will be quick and painless.

Let’s take a look at some claims:

We celebrate on December 25th because of the Sol Invictus.”

Actually, there is no mention of the celebration of Sol Invictus in Roman history until the rule of Aurelian (A.D. 270-275).

Christians had been celebrating the birth of Jesus on Dec 25th long before then, as written by Hippolytus of Rome who died in A.D. 235.

For those of you who can’t do the math, that means that Christians were celebrating Jesus’ birthday on the 25th of December at a minimum of 35 years before the Romans were celebrating sol Invictus.

Well, even if that's true, what about the feast of Saturnalia?

The “feast of saturnalia” (to worship the god of Saturn) ended on the 23rd. Close, but no cigar.

Though there was gift-giving in that week-long festival. (So if you want an excuse not to buy gifts... you got it lol.)

Well did you know that Christmas trees are pagan?

Actually, my Oden eyepatch-loving friend, Martin Luther ( the guy who started the Protestant reformation) is actually credited with starting the whole Christmas tree trend.

He was once told of a story about Saint-Boniface (A.D. 672-754) who was converting followers of the god Thor by taking an ax to an oak tree that people were worshipping, building a Chapel out of the Oaktree, and then placing a pine tree inside of the Chapel.

Although I’m pretty sure this was a huge fire hazard, Martin Luther was the first Christian to have and add lights to the Christmas tree.

It’s also safe to say that Martin Luther was strongly against anything even resembling pagan traditions.

Well, what about Santa clause then? Isn't he pagan?

Santa Clause is actually attributed to being Saint Nicholas (A.D. 270-343). Saint Nick was known for his generosity and giving to the poor. Although he didn't have a Christmas list that he was checking twice, He did have a naughty list full of heretics that he gave more than just a lump of coal to. Saint Nick attended the Council of Nicea. And no, this counsel was not to “choose the books of the Bible”. It was to debate and determine if Jesus was fully man AND fully God or if Jesus was actually just a created being. Saint Nick was so passionate about his position on the full deity of Christ that it’s said he walked across the room and slapped the 💩 out of Arius ( the man claiming Jesus wasn’t fully God) for trying to lead people away from salvation. Saint Nick was changed into a fat white guy in red pajamas by Clement Moore. He has since given up slapping heretics and only slaps pagans now.

But you don’t know the exact day Jesus was born. So why even celebrate it?

Well, for the simple put, we Christians have good reason to believe that the creator of the whole universe, sitting in the highest heaven in all His glory... came down into poverty, was born in the basement of a house where the animals were kept and placed in a manger when He was born ( you know, the bucket animals eat out of). He was kept alive and lived a sinless life of 33 years for the sole purpose (not sol Invictus) of being sacrificed on a cross so YOU and anyone who believes in Him and what He did on that cross can have eternal life.... so for that, I say THANK YOU, GOD. And for that reason, we will celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ of Nazareth.


Ps. Youre welcome for the day off from work.

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